Funny Health Quotes

Sometimes you need a little humour in your day, and with these one-liners, you will certainly get it, all curated by the Upbeatee review team.

Rule No.37. The whiter the bread, the sooner you’ll be dead. Michael Pollan

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Mark Twain

You’re in pretty good shape for the shape you are in. Dr. Seuss

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you’re off it. Jackie Gleason

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. Johnny Carson

Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. Charles M. Schulz

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. Steven Wright

After these two, Dr. Diet and Dr. Quiet, Dr. Merriman is requisite to preserve health. James Howell

Good health is not something we can buy. However, it can be an extremely valuable savings account. Anne Wilson Schaef

If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself. Eubie Blake

Joy and temperance and repose, slam the door on the doctor’s nose. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Anybody’s soap is superior to somebody else’s stink killer. Martin H. Fischer

Health is merely the slowest way someone can die. Unknown

To be stupid and selfish and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness. Though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless. Stefan Sagmeister

First need in the reform of hospital management? That’s easy! The death of all dietitians, and the resurrection of a French chef. Martin H. Fischer

Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful. Denis Diderot

There’s lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven’t the time to enjoy it. Josh Billings

A bad cold wouldn’t be so annoying if it weren’t for the advice of our friends. Kin Hubbard

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. Doug Larson

Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair. Dorothy Parker

I think you might dispense with half your doctors if you would only consult Dr. Sun more. Henry Ward Beecher

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